Myself as Slender Man at Supanova Perth 2011.
Hats off to Laura, who convinced me to cosplay at the event, as she was a masky and wanted a slendie.
Photo is courtesy of CJ Hunt.
The scribblings of a madman, captured in text in a collection of melancholy, lunacy and delusion.
• Ask something, and I'll see how I can avoid answering it.
Random Bouts of Madness
Random Bouts of Madness
Whispering out for you Wonderful
Abyss, a location we daren’t discuss,
We feel,
If we ignore it,
It won’t bother us.
We wrap it away in a beautiful box,
But we,
Know it is just like,
A most cunning fox.
We make it all out to be something unreal.
So if,
One admits to it,
Won’t know what to feel.
And as one falls into this darkened abyss,
They think,
Will anyone say,
They are one they miss.
Pondering silently issues a-many,
Thinking of whether or not I have lost,
People’s respect, or love it seems very,
Likely that I am seen as a fool, or not?
I cannot get in to their personal thoughts,
But I do so wish that I could.
My morals, however, have my heart caught,
For even if possible, I probably shouldn’t.
And so I consider, whether or not,
To pursue conversation or leave them alone.
With them I do not want to be forgotten,
But I do not know whether to pick up the phone.
Four words. Four of them. Just four. Four words. And they possess a greater hold over me than I can even begin to explain. The words?
I still love her.
Tell my why you did it, tell me, tell me why?
Memories linger, traces of a distant past,
That tempts you to never forget,
Teasing you, goading and sometimes more,
You cannot escape, despite your attempts.
Whiskey shall fail to drown your sorrows,
Leaving behind but a lifeless shee,
And although you detest yourself everyday,
You can’t help but drag others into your own hell.
All because you are “special” and “different”,
With these strong words, carry a strong curse,
And so you drown into your own self pity,
In spit of the fact that you know it could be so much worse.
I need you with me, here, now. I am still waiting, I know I’m an idiot, but I fear I shall wait until I am no longer of this world…
I Need You Back, For I am Now Falling
I love you, I love you, I love you and yet,
It seems that you were oh so quick to forget,
About the pain, about the war,
I fought day and night to protect your soul.
You held me close, you kissed me tender,
And though it was folly, I wished it forever,
To last, to continue, and yet you left,
Behind you a broken winged bird, bereft,
Of your grace and virtue and kindness and love,
You left me to wallow, to fall far enough,
That I do not know how hard is the ground,
When finally, totally, I do fall down.
THESE ARE INCORRECT.
THAT IS NOT REALISM.
THAT IS ALSO NOT A VERY GOOD REPRESENTATION OF CYNICISM.
MORE THAN ONE OF THESE IS RACIST.
For fuck’s sake.
Assumed in jest, I shall laugh. I find it amusing that one has not pointed out that artist is made out to be overly up-himself, “racist” makes no racist comment as the glass is not of a race, but is an object, makes assumptions of the existance of a holy being that is historically questionable, casts nasturtiums on the usefulness of nerds’ information, assumes that all philosophers would make the same of a glass, spells Kleptoman (itself a bastardised term) incorrectly, assumes that all critics are negative… Oh, this game can be played a long time.
Suspend disbelief, take the image in jest, have a chortle, and move on.
(Source: leilockheart)
“It’s every band’s right, you shouldn’t have to do fucking Glee. And then the guy who created Glee is so offended that we’re not, like, begging to be on his fucking show… fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee. I watched 10 minutes. It’s not my thing. The Glee guy, what a fucking jerk. Slash was the first one. He wanted to do Guns ‘n’ Roses and Slash is like, ‘I hate fucking musicals. It’s worse than Grease.’ Then [Murphy’s] like, ‘Well, of course he’d say that, he’s a washed up ol’ rock star, that’s what they fucking do.’ And then Kings of Leon say, ‘No, we don’t want to be on your show.’ And then he’s like, ‘Snotty little assholes…’ And it’s just like, Dude, maybe not everyone loves Glee. Me included.”
—
- Dave Grohl about Glee.
The attitude that the creators and hardcore fans have towards Glee is… Infuriating. I don’t know, I don’t begrudge the show, although I dislike several elements of it, primarily the digtal voices… But I digress. I have to agree with Grohl here, the attitude of the show’s creators towards people who are not head over heels in love with their baby can get to be sickening at times…
On my computer their are two photos. They are like any other two photos to the casual bystander, but they hold something over me… I should no longer have them, but I do, and I can’t avoid that. I just cannot remove them, they must continue to exist.
They are of her.
They are of the woman I still love, in spite of my best efforts to move on to other people, other concepts, to move on from her. I haven’t even spoken to her in half a year, and I am not moving on. Not inside. I hide them aaway in a sub folder of a sub folder of a sub folder of a folder, but I always come back to them. I shouldn’t, but I do. Why, one might ask?
She is perfection. They may not be the most technically correct photos I have taken, but they are the two most perfect photos in this world. She was perfect. Is perfect. Looking at the photo makes me momentarily happy, and then agonisingly depressed. I love her, she just will never talk to me again. She is my world, but, well, I can’t write the words better than Cash did, so, to quote:
There you go,
You’re gone again,
I should’ve known,
I couldn’t win.
There you go,
You’re by his side,
You’re gonna break another heart,
You’re gonna tell another lie.
Because I love you so, I take much more than I should take,
I want you even though I know my heart is going to break.
You build me up and for a while I’m all aglow,
Then your fickle heart sees someone else,
There you go.
I loved her. I love her. She gave me meaning, is the reason I am still alive, and then she destroyed it in an instant. On the outside I still act whole. But on the inside… Well, I took the CES-D a few days ago and, when deliberately trying to be more positive than I feel, I still scored a 37. Scores over 24 are reccommended to seek immediate help. And I have been this bad, and worse, for six months.
I am sorry to be ranting, but I need to say some of these things. I just wish… I just wish that she would give me a reason. That hurt. I never got a reason. It just ended. Everything. I lost the star I around which I did orbit. I love her. But I cannot talk to her. Why do I lie to others, say I am over it, say that I have moved on? I love her. I love her, but when I think about what was, I go to a dark place. A dangerous place. I need something. An explanation. A new star. Something to work on. Someone to consult. Even though I deny it, I am self destructing, and I hate it, because I can see it happening, but I feel locked to tracks, forced to observe and simply hope for a change. I wish I could take control, but right now I feel a passenger in this. I need a purpose to enter my life. I lost the only one I had.
I love all of you absolutely, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this act up.
rbm
Did you read this and get extremely hot with anger because I’m not tolerant of gays and their ways? Well, I am pro gay. I am bisexual. But what I’m demonstrating here is that I have an opinion wrong in your eyes or not. I AM allowed to voice it. I AM allowed to tell you my opinions on matters. Regardless how you view them or not. I live in America where we are protected by the first Amendment and it’s called Freedom of Speech.
Everyone in this world has a different opinion, it may discriminate others but a tiger can not changed their stripes. So please, learn to accept and try to figure out WHY they view things they way they do instead of attacking them.
Change “gays” to “blacks”. Do you see the problem? It would be very difficult to find someone happy to argue that we should protect blatant racism as freedom of speech.
You are misunderstanding what ‘freedom of speech’ is. What that note communicates is not an act of ‘free speech’. It’s bullshit. Freedom of speech is the opportunity to promote an idea respectfully. You are given a chance to substantiate your claims with evidence, research and understanding. When people forfeit that opportunity and just say shit like “I hate gays” and expect to be protected from scrutiny because of ‘freedom of speech’, they’re having a laugh. They haven’t their argument any logical defence I will enjoy tearing it down with a savage bloodlust.
So no, ‘freedom of speech’ does not mean you are allowed to say anything you want without repercussions and that this is somehow ‘protected’. It means you get to say what you want, and protect yourself with valid argument that will hopefully serve as a logical defense against scrutiny.
It certainly does not apply to ridiculously idiotic and insulting statements as the one above. Especially not when they stand alone as nothing more than “I hate gays!”.
Freedom of speech does not equal a licence to promote bigotry.
^ Pretty much everything he said.
Should it not be logical that this is acceptable with this wording, but unacceptable with others?
To say “I hate gays”, “I hate blacks”, “I hate hetrosexual Manx Australians” (throwing my own demographic in to show that the two past terms should not be taken with weight, they are not my opinion) is simply a statement of one’s own opinion. It is a personal decision, like “I hate George” “I like fishing”.
What is problematic is when an individual or group state their OPINIONS as being FACT. For example, “I hate Irishmen” is a fair, if not so loved opinion. “Irishmen are all lazy, drunken pigs who should not be allowed to live” is a person attempting to project their opinions as fact, adn that is what is unnaceptable.
A parallel was drawn to “I hate blacks”, and a comment made on how that would be unnaceptable, but I ask, how is that different from when a person says “I hate Europeans”, often paired with comments on their racist past and the fact that this makes it morally acceptable to proclaim a hatred of them (I am citing one example where it is often accepted, not a specific example).Why is it that hate on one group is acceptable, on another is not? I am not condoning active hatred of any race, gender or sexual preference, simply highlighting a disturbing point, where “minority” haters are set upon with complaints and abuse, while people who openly proclaim hatred for a “dominant group” are visionaries, and abuse to said individuals is claimed as hate in itself.
I am a hetrosexual male in support of equal rights for people of all ethnicities, sexualities and genders, but the amount of things that have a blindeye turned to them are immense. Take the common sign seen at bank stalls, on car windscreens et al, that proclaims “Too many men, not enough bullets.” Tongue in cheek, we may say. But say that sign said “Too many women”. “Too many blacks”. “Too many aborigines”. “To many Sami.” What would be said of this innocent sign then?
I do not agree with her sign, I agree with her posting it. If her sign read “Gays should all be killed”, “Gays should be hated”, “Gays are inhuman”, or any attempt to push an opinion as fact, I would see it as disgraceful. But what this lady is doing, if one is to believe her attached comment, is speak out about the freedom to project one’s opinion as opinion. I do not agree with said opinion, but she has stated it, has only been honest (or in this case dishonest, but assuming the sign was serious and not simply a demonstration it would be honest), and has not attempted to press gang anyone else into accepting her opinion.
I have attended rallies pushing for equality, in gender, sexuality, race and religion (or notable lack thereof). And yet I have been abused. I am a member of the dominant group, and as such would not understand, they say, forgetting to note that I have been equally ostracised by the said “dominant group”, for I lack the traits that make the dominant group so. Any member of the dominant group that pushes for equality is first forced to endure being a person ostracised by not only the group they are fighting, but those they are trying to help. It is an unfortunate world where we say we pursue equality, yet bitterly aim to crush anyone who opposes our view on equality. You need only one person who thinks that the best method to equality is a 50/50 quota, and one who thinks the best method is to employ the best people to complete the tasks required to start talking to each other, and you can see how people are divided on how to be united.
Again, I do not agree with the sign. I do not agree with many things. I don’t agree with the fact that there is an inbalance of males and females in high paying jobs, to which I generally get some applause from feminists proclaiming they support equality. When I go on to state my support that less women should be in menial jobs such as cooking and cleaning roles, the applause continues. But then when I say that I don’t agree that men are forced by a cruel and sexist society into working in more hazardous jobs such as front line military roles, toxic waste cleanup et al, the applause stops. I have hit on the bit we “just don’t talk about”. The fact that in the dominant group, there is a group just as oppressed, if not more so, than “minority groups”. I am a hetrosexual oppressed by hetrosexuals because I am only mildly hetrosexual, predominantly asexual, but as a hetroromantic with some natural sexual tendencies, I am instead a “weak guy”. And the homosexuals say I don’t understand oppression.
We have entered a dark day when people may not voice opinions. If she was going into a “Victims of Abuse due to Different Sexuality” with a picket sign proclaiming this, I would call her petty and cruel. She would be intruding when it is not required or correct. If she posted a rant on how bad homosexuals, blacks, or women, with the intent on spreading hate, I would disagree with her motives. But I have been on the net a fair while. I have sat as my sexuality is abused by people pursuing “equality”. I have watched my gender torn to shreds by people pushing for “equality”. I have seen my race destroyed by people claiming only a wish for “equality”. And if I object? I am a racist. A sexist. A bigot. I am supporting of other races, genders and sexualities, but if mine is attacked, and I defend, I AM THE BIGOT.
If you have made it this far and still don’t get it, YOU ARE INSULTING SOMEONE FOR DISPLAYING THE SAME WISH FOR FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION THAT YOU SO RUTHLESSLY PURSUE.
She is not calling you fat. She is not calling you a bad group. She is simply stating her opinion of her feelings for you, those of hate. I hate vodka (true story). You might love vodka. Am I hating on your beliefs? I hate gays (not true story). You are gay. Congratulations, I hate you. I am not insulting you. I am not asking to deprive you of rights. I am simply saying that I, as an INDIVIDUAL, detest you on a personal level. Is it nice? No. Is the feminist who says “I hate men” trying to deprive me of rights? No. She is simply saying that she, as an INDIVIDUAL, detests me on a personal level. Is it nice? No. Is the feminist who abuses me as a member of a cruel and oppressive patriarchy, without knowing that I have been rejected by said patriarchy, support the cause for true equality, and never meant her any harm in the first place somehow in possession of more of a right to stating her opinion than I am? The black pride leader who says that I am a poison that must be purged from the community? The gay pride leader who says that I am oppressive, simply by being a member of the hetrosexual population?
On both sides of the coin, opinions on a personal level are fair. “I hate gays. I think they are not natural.” is risque, not nice, but an opinion. “Gays are a pest. They are not natural” is an attempt to state opinion as fact. Think of it another way. “I hate white men. I think they are snobby.” Not nice, but opinion. “White men are all evil oppressive beings that should be hung.” Whoa, back up there, how is that different to the above objections?
All in all, live and let live, I accept all individual beliefs, gender preferences, races, and what not. But NO ONE should ever attempt to suppress someone’s opinion. Alter their opinion. Show them the light as you see it. RESPECT A PERSON’S RIGHTS TO HOLD THIER OPINION, AND SHOW THEM YOUR’S, AND PROVE TO THEM THAT YOURS IS BETTER. Polite discussion and peaceful action leads to change. Oppressing opinions that differ to yours only breed resentment. Pax vobiscum, I shall say no more.
(Source: bitteryounghag, via wolf-hugs)
